The Fear

In recent days, or hours I've been struck by the fear, the fear of running 26.4 miles alone. Okay so it's not alone, there will be thousands of other runners around me, but who will be with me to tell me that yes that is "the wall" that I just fumbled into and I can and I will get through it, no tears, that's a waste of sodium, you can cry later when we can fill you with Powerade and homemade mac and cheese. I want to know that there will be someone there to make sure I get back to my residence safely - I do not trust my brain after that - I know what happens when I get tired. I get stupid, melt down stupid - hey folks I wrote the MCAT one glorious August day many moons ago, I know what I am going to feel like when 26.4 miles is over. In addition to the brain ache and butt ache, my quads and feet are also going to ache. I want someone there to tell me I wasn't ape shite crazy for doing this, that I really accomplished something and that in a day or two when we shop at Macy's this will all be a glorious moment, the pain will have subsided into the ethereal bliss of it all.

Right now, at this very moment I'm scared. I am scared that as I said to a friend of mine, that this is a case of where I set the line too far as a way of judging where too far is, and sweet Jesus I sure hope too far is not mile 1,5,7, 13, or even 20, but rather 26, the .4 we can hobble through.

All that being said, the fun part - my running team has dissolved - due to a recession, illness and well likely the fear contaminating others too. So if you are brave, stupid or just plain fabulous come on and join me for San Francisco. There will be homemade mac n' cheese and lots of glorious baguettes and vegan cupcakes to be had.


The Fear - LILY ALLEN